I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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