obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
