you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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