You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
