you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
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