first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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