I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
