If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Your penis caused this!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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