It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
