There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
