Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
