I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
