I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize