she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
