watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
