When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
