You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
