FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
