he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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