She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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