Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i need an iv and a liver transplant
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
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