Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
