i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
