I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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