Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
