There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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