i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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