im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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