My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
