In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
