sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
