I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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