you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
