i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
