dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
