I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
