I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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