We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
