I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
