dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
