just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
