we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
