i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
