No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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