i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
