Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
