I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
