Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
