You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
