Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
