This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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